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Houston Relationship Counselor: How Gender Norms Cause Power ...

As the Houston relationship counselor, I?ve seen firsthand the trends that begin to emerge with certain kinds of problems. Recently, I wrote about power plays and how trying to ?win? in a relationship just leads to both of you losing.

The feeling of self-importance that leads to this attitude can come from many places, but one of the most prevalent in our culture has to do with our societally approved gender roles and dynamics. Most men tend to unconsciously take on the dominant or ?winning? role, while most women are submissive ?losers,? with the result being that the couple suffers from marriage issues because one person is constantly giving in to the other.

In general, these unconscious desires to be dominant or submissive stem from childhood. Despite attempts to level the gender playing field, our culture still tends to favor men, and from a young age, we are well aware of this. Men hold positions of power. Men get to fight in wars, play professional sports, and beat up the bad guys in action movies. Obviously, there are examples of women doing this too, but culturally they are ?male? activities. Boys and girls internalize this and it affects them, even if they don?t realize it.

Houston Relationship Counselor: Is Turning the Tables Better?

But what about relationships where the woman is the dominant force. We all know couples where it?s clear who really ?wears the pants? in the family, right? Maybe their parents told them not to let anyone control them and raised them to feel strong, smart, and entitled. Are those relationships healthier for subverting cultural norms?

Hopefully my use of ?wearing the pants? gives you a clue to the answer. As silly and sexist as the phrase is, this is what our culture tends to do when people stray from the norms. Couples where the woman plays the dominant role will not only have the same marriage issues as relationships where the man dominates, they will also have to deal with the societal repercussions of being different. Men who submit to their wives are ?henpecked? or ?whipped? or whatever new colorful phrase we?ve come up with most recently.

What, then, is the solution? Equality. Both people in a relationship have to see each other as equals and respect each other?s opinions fully, realizing that neither one of them matters more than the other, regardless of their sex. But if your sense of entitlement is subconscious, how can you deal with it?

Houston Relationship Counselor: Consciously Recognize Your Partner?s Equality

The only weapon against subconscious behavior is to recognize that we might be doing it ? even when we think we aren?t. If you head into a disagreement only thinking about why you are right and your partner is wrong, you?re going to have marriage issues regardless of your sex.

Instead, consciously strive to see each other?s point of view. Work to develop empathy and understanding. And ask yourself if you are trying to ?win? because you actually believe in what you?re fighting for or because you simply don?t want to lose and give up that ?power? to your partner. If you and your partner are unable to find equality and balance in your relationship on your own, contact the Houston marriage counselor for help today.

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Video: Commander: ?Miracle? no one dead in jet crash

The Navy is investigating what may have caused an F/A-18 fighter jet to crash into an apartment complex in Virginia Beach, Va. Thanh Truong reports.

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Vodafone Connects Your Social Relationship With A Lower Cost ...

Vodafone Connects Your Social Relationship With A Lower Cost

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Communication and interaction with people which help in nurturing social relationships can prove to be cost-effective if you avail the alluring offers, discount codes and the mobile phone deals offered by Vodafone. The customer-friendly deals are offered to the potential customers and Everydaysale.co.uk is the favored website featuring the list of offers voiced by Vodafone. The mobile enthusiasts can glance through the lucrative offers at the popular website, Everydaysale.co.uk. The price plans are updated from time to time and you must indulge in making a thorough search at Everydaysale.co.uk to opt for the best money-saving deal.

One of the Vodafone voucher codes offer is that the best SIM Only deals cost you only 10 per month at Vodafone. The SIM Only deals save you from entering into a contract with the service provider. You can enjoy 300 minutes of free talkime; can indulge in texting as you are equipped with unlimited message facilities. The money that you spend becomes fruitful as you can enjoy a number of benefits and privileges.

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Home Renovations That Do Not Give You A Return On Your ...

While completing a home renovation project can often be profitable when the time comes to put your home on the market, there are a few projects that you should avoid if you want to make money someday. This article will note a few of the top residential changes that can hurt, rather than improve, the overall value of your home.

On the surface, a swimming pool may seem like a wonderful addition, providing cool fun in the hot summer months. However, someone interested in purchasing your home will see a pool as a liability. Not only that, but pools are expensive to keep up with and difficult to maintain, also turning off potential buyers. It is becoming increasingly common that pool owners are asked to dismantle or fill their pools before a prospective buyer will complete the sale. This is one project that is best avoided unless you know you are going to be in your home for a long period of time.

Never reduce the number of bedrooms in your home. While it may be tempting to turn two small rooms into one large space, you will keep a lot of buyers away with this change. In many cases, it is families that are searching for homes, and families need enough rooms to house their members. In particular, going from three bedrooms to two bedrooms is a bad investment. You will limit the pool of people that are even willing to step foot in your home, making a sale much more difficult.

Do not focus too much on the landscaping of your home. While you want your yard to look attractive, investing too much money just does not make financial sense because the value of the residence is unlikely to improve significantly. Gardens, particularly those that require a lot of care, will put off buyers. Even fences, while attractive, generally do not figure into the value of the house. Keep the landscaping simple and make sure it is easy to maintain.

Stay away from converting practical, usable space into a room that is geared to a specific kind of person. While you might think changing the garage into a music studio is a great idea, a buyer is going to worry about the loss of storage space for their vehicles and outdoor equipment. A room that they can?t use means they have to look at your house as an investment; they will need to put in time and money to restore the space to its original state. Many buyers simply are not willing to do that. Focus on changes that will appeal to most people rather than a small portion of the population.

The home improvement projects listed above are probably not the best way to spend your money or update your home. Some people may ultimately decide the risk is worth it to them; however, if you are worried about your home?s resale value, it is best to stay away from these projects and instead engage in other kinds of renovation.

Tags: Home Renovations That Do Not Give You A Return On Your Investment

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 5th, 2012 at 1:37 pm and is filed under Home Decorating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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Who is This Person I Have Become? | Empty Nest Parenting: Grown ...

Just the other night, I turned the corner into my driveway and it stirred a memory that took me back to those first few years of being married with very small children. ?It had become a sort of ritual for me, a harried mother who would use the guise of taking the garbage to the bottom of my driveway as a ?mommy?s time out?, once the children were tucked into their beds. ?My neighbors probably scratched their heads as I ?stood there for several minutes stretching, taking deep breaths of the night air and gazing at the stars. ??Every young ?mother can relate to this need to reconnect, if only for a moment, with the person who you once thought yourself to be, still are, ?but have almost forgotten.

Quite often a remarkable thing would happen as I made my way back up the driveway. ?I ?would look at my house all aglow with night lights and sleeping children and I would think to myself??Who lives there? ?Am I actually a real grown up now? ?And how on Earth ?did I land myself ?in this responsible and conventional life after swearing it wouldn?t be so. Only a few moments later, ?I would collect stacking blocks off the floor, fold laundry and focus on the tasks at hand, ?these thoughts/questions receding into the background.

I have made my fair share of moves in my life. Early in my adult life ?I had wistfully thought how nice it would be to have that constant home to return to. ?But I don?t think I?d trade that now for the adventures and the lessons about learning to adapt, making friends, coming to understand cultural differences and remaking myself.

Some darn hard work, but mostly incredible good fortune has allowed my family to live in a lovely and comfortable home for the past ten years. ?It has served us well?.close to work, wonderful schools and in a beautiful, safe, sophisticated and resourced community. ?In my mind I could justify the scope of my home with my kids living there and their friends always around. ?It has been a meeting place for both of our extended families (because we could house everyone), many guests and we have consciously used it to host friends, neighbors and other community gatherings. Yes, ?this house contains cherished memories from an important era in my family?s life but it is only one piece of our family history as my older children have lived in four other homes before this one and I in 12 homes or apartments before this.

Recently, as I walk past empty rooms (or even wander about in one of my absent children?s bedrooms), ?I visit a time when the house was full of chaos and noise. Sometimes I startle myself ?asking similar questions to the ones I asked of myself in the dark of those nights long ago. ?Who is this person I?ve become?

Certainly, ?I envision a place for my children that reminds them of their happy childhoods where they feel welcomed, cherished and loved. ?I want this to extend to my larger ?family, hopefully grandchildren and friends. But I also yearn to shed myself of that persona who had to dedicate so much time and energy to the maintenance ( for me, pretty darn unfulfilling) of a home which ?now feels somewhat wasteful. ??I wonder to myself if it is selfish to occupy the unused space?.when I could focus on other ventures, including sharing resources and helping others.

So my spring plans include some renovations that I have been assured will help us in the resale of our home. ?And my summer promises college kids returning, ?a line-up of family and friends visiting, ?graduation and confirmation parties, the hosting a bridal shower among other things. ?I plan to read this blog for inspiration and I ?plan to remind myself to step back one summer night, ?take time to walk up my driveway, and ponder ?should I stay or should I go?? ?Will you join me in this discussion and possibly change my mind?

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